My Oscar speech

Faeleia's Acceptance Speech for the Lead Self-Possessed Scientologist Oscar:

Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly breathe! I feel so horny! And this statue - it's so Yul Brenner! Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to secretly suspect that even in my wildest hallucinations, I never would have frantically prayed that this could ever validate my mediocrity. And to the other brilliant nominees, I want each of you to know how totally mega-pumped your jealosy makes me feel right now!

You know when they first told me I was nominated, I just had to take a Xanax and brag about how freakish my fans have been. I guess it all just makes me feel kinda wrinkly

You know, there are so many back-stabbing two-faced harpies to thank! First off though, I want to bitch slap the senile old bats of the Academy, who looked deep within their Magic 8-Balls before giving me this fantastic award! Also, I want to thank my guru, for being such a powerful force in my loins. And to the US Supreme Court, who taught me to take life by the balls. And finally, to all the personal assistants I fired - I couldn't have done it without you!

Thank you America, and good night!


Couldn't have done this without the Academy award generator. Thank yew.